I gave birth on 30th May and this is my birth story.
I had my routine checkup with my Gyn on the 28th and was scheduled for a fetal growth monitoring. Everything went well except during the fetal scan. The scanner (oh idk what theyre professionally called) got really quiet when scanning my bump and that scared me so much. The tension in the room got high during the session and i got really anxious. All she asked was ,”Did your doctor say anything to you?” Mak kau. Mana tk kecut perut aku. I started thinking of all the bad scenarios and trying to prepare myself for the worst. I was already 38+3weeks and to know “this” late that theres something wrong with my baby scared me so much. Got the scan report and was trying to self-decipher whatever that was written in it. Hahaha.
The waiting to meet my Gyn was heart wrenching. My god. Hahahahaha. I was earlier diagnosed with this “Pregnancy Rash” as what my Gyn said. And whenever my body heat rises it triggers the itch/rash and i was itching so badly (esp around the tummy folds and the thigh area). My number was called and the first thing she said when we stepped into her room was ,”3.6kg already, so how?”
She checked my cerivx and i was already 2cm dilated and then purposely stretched it so ill be in labour quickly. Everything was well, nothing wrong with the baby, Alhamdulillah and she casually mention about being induced as if i wasnt given a choice. I wasnt lol – that was my only choice. If i were to let my baby cook longer i may deliver her via c-sect and she wasnt liking the idea. So I was scheduled for induced labour – THE NEXT FREAKING DAY!
Mind you ni tengah time puasa eh. Busy sis, lepas appointment the Hubs and I had to sit at a corner and reflect on what the hell that just happened, trying to absorb the fact that we’ll be holding our little Angel the next day. That thought itself scares me so much. Like this is it. Today is my last day being pregnant, our last day being together just the 2 of us. This. Is. It.
Went home and cried. Like alot. A. LOT.
Was self-doubting my capabilities as a mom-to-be, as a wife after giving birth and trying to balance all while still staying sane. Thinking about motherhood, being very unsure about the baby and myself. Comparing my lives with friends around me. Thinking that we made a mistake. Doubting God’s gift for us. Basically just wallowing in self-doubt. The uncertanties scared me. The what ifs and what nots. I wasnt ready to give birth, im still only 24. Theres so many things I haven’t accomplished but at the same time i do feel like im ready to hold a new status, I felt calm despite all those thoughts i had.
No one is ever ready for such a huge commitment. Parenthood is indeed alittle more serious than marriage. This is a human we’ll be having, a real life human and we are not even prepared for it. We didnt attend any pre natal classes or even read up much on being pregnant or parenthood. Just going with the flow, unsure if we’re being lazy or just dont know where to start looking.
So the Hubs and i had a loooooooong talk. We cried our insecurities out and thanked God for all His blessings He has given us in the past and for the future. As much as I would like to think that having children are rezki, they are indeed, but I do feel they are served as tests for us, His Slaves. Theyre our Amanah, a legacy we’ll be leaving behind. Thats a heavy responsibility you know.
Ok, back to my labour story. Hahaha.
Since I was due for inducted labour on the night of the 29th, I spent the whatever that was left in the day at home re-packing my hospital bag, walked a little to shop some more last minute in case i need it but actually no and more crying. Thank goodness for Vesak Day, I enjoyed spending some quiet time with the family, relaxing. The next time im home, I’ll be bringing a baby.
Since it was during the fasting month, the hubs had a quick dinner and we prayed. (I cried again, whats new) and we left. We held hands in the taxi and i prayed for the best, for a smooth delivery and that ill be given the calmness to go through this.
I checked in the delivery suite at 830pm and got sent to the special ward to be induced. I wasnt alone as there was another lady with me. Hubs accompanied me for a little while. Since I was GBS positive, I got the antibiotic drip inserted earlier. I too was strapped to the contractions machine thingy and got the pill inserted. I was ready. Hahaha. The nurse who checked on me was very sweet. I got embarassed because she had to see my ~ down there ~ but all was well, alhamdulillah. Since I was scheduled for delivery at 4am, i had so much time to kill. So i tried napping, but lol i cant. Hahahahaha.
4am came and I was wheeled to the delivery suite. The nurses asked if im considering any pain relief and wholeheartedly i said I want epidural. Im a weakass. So i got my dose and contractions was nothing. I really couldnt feel anything even before getting the epidural. Had a pee bag inserted for me to pee pee and i napped with my husband beside me. Nurses came and went and I was only around 6cm around noon. This baby is getting a little too comfortable. Hahaha. The Dr had to stretched my cervix for it to open faster. I started to feel like pooping and literally got the nurse to get me a bedpan because im a noob and im so afraid of pooping while delivering. HAHA. Anyway, I was 9cm dilated when the urge was getting too much. The midwife told me to just ride it out but i couldnt. I was already pushing her out and I did, halfway my Gyn did an episiotomy to aid my delivery as my baby was a little too big for my size. My healthy baby girl arrived on the 30th May 2018 on 14:37 weighing at 3.58kg – just a day before Ibu’s Birthday. In total inclusive of the induce ~ im in labour for abt 16.5 hrs. YAYYY ME.
Since I had epidural I couldnt feel anything thus thinking everything was okay ~down there~ but nope. I got a fourth degree tear on top of my episiotomy. Yay big baby! Because of my fourth degree tear, i had to be wheeled to the operation theatre to be properly sewn. They had to increase my epidural dosage, gave me general anesthetic and had me breathing gas. So imagine my dazedness and literally cannot feel anything from my head down. I was numb AF. But the process was quick. My Gyn herself sew me up. I was wheeled to the recovery room after that to rest before going up to my ward.
I do want to include pictures of what episiotomy and fourth degree tear looks like but its abit too gross. Shall just describe them.
Episiotomy – a surgical incision of the perineum and the posterior vaginal wall generally done by a midwife or obstetrician.
Fourth degree tear – when the woman’s perineum tears during childbirth down to the edge of (or through) the anus, injuring a muscle called the anal sphincter. In some cases part of the bowel wall is also injured.
These can include:
So i had 3 out of 9 items, hence the tear. I will post about my recovery some time soon, in shaa Allah.
What a journey. Such an experience, very memorable and alhamdulillah i was granted calmness and strength to push through although play cheat sikit sebab induced and epidural. Hahahaha.
So thats how i gave birth to my diva and we named her ‘Aisyah Amani Binte Mohd Zaidi.
‘Aisyah – Nabi’s SAW wife; kehidupan
Amani – kesejahteraanku, ketenanganku.
Our peace and happiness.